Getting what you ask for..

Poor me.....           

Okay today I was once again bemoaning the state of my life, for this is something that lately I’ve been doing quite often.  Well I of course began to blame everyone around me, including God for not giving me the kind of life I wanted.  Then something said inwardly “yes I did.  I gave you exactly what you asked me for”.  Now this threw me for a loop, because if true, it would mean that I’m just an ungrateful whiner.  So I had to prove this statement wrong.  Off I went to find my journal, notice I said journal singular, as in one measly journal...  Well that’s another story, but let’s just say that my attempt to chronicle my life through journals, failed miserably. 

So anyway I’m combing through the entries, which aren’t many over the past ten years, and there it is in my scrawling handwriting, “God, I just want to be married with kids, and be able to stay home with them, write and go to school.” And another entry says, “I just want to move far away, where noone knows me.  Some place exciting!”

Well there it was. 

There was the proof that affirmed I’m just a big ungrateful baby.  I received the exact kind of life that I prayed for, and I’m still complaining.  I am a stay-at-home mom with two beautiful kids, I now live in NY, I’m attending school and I have the opportunity (if I choose) to write every day. 

All things I asked God for down to the letter.  Now this was too much truth for me at the moment, so I immediately began to tear down my realization.  Well I said to myself I really meant I wanted to go to school full-time, so that part hasn’t happened.  Oh, and I don’t live in Manhattan, and that’s the really exciting part of NY so that wasn’t true either, and I’m at home with the kids, but my husband doesn’t appreciate it, and I don’t have the money I want coming in and I can’t write everyday because the kids keep me busy….  My list went on, and on, until even I got tired of my whining.  “Shut up”! I said aloud.  I am blessed, and according to Psalms 37;4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart., I did receive the desires of my heart.  He gave me exactly what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted at the time.  If I’m not happy with it then that’s my problem.  What I really need to do is sit back praise God, and enjoy my blessing. 

Then another thought came to me, did I follow thorough on what I promised God?  Now I knew the answer this question without even looking back in my journal.  I knew because I felt a little guilty everyday.  I had promised to love him with all my heart.  I promised to continue to serve him with fervor, and I had promised him that if he blessed me, that I wouldn’t forget about him.  I promised to keep the same relationship with him that I had as a single woman.  Yet it was I who reneged on my promise, not God.  Over the years my relationship with Christ has become stagnant, and occasional.  I only want him around when I want something, and then I'm in church every Sunday till I get it.  Wow, I thought to myself.  I’ve basically been calling God for “booty calls’!  All the while complaining that he did me wrong.

 

Enlightment

How must I appear to God?  I was no longer “delighting myself” in God.  The bible says “seek ye first the

kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto it”  I must say that I was truly ashamed of myself. 

So much God has given me, and all I do is complain for more.  I used to read the story about the children of

Israel and wonder how they could be so ungrateful, yet here I was just like them. 

Questions

How grateful are for what  God has given you? 

Think back over your life, what are the things that you prayed for, that God blessed you

with? 


Now what think back to what you promised God, have you followed through on your end?